18 Comments

  1. Oh Darcel, I had no idea. My heart is aching for the child you once were. No child should ever have to grow up like that.

    You have been on one amazing journey, and have come so far. You should be celebrating with great pride the mother you are, and the wonderful life you are giving your children. Your life is an inspiration.

    Happy Mother’s Day to you!
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    • Darcel

      I did celebrate my amazingness yesterday :) I did it quietly. No demanding my young children pay extra attention to me because it was Mother’s Day. We chilled and it was really nice!

      There were a few times where memories crept in. I gave myself time(not too much)to sit with them before moving on.
      It wasn’t until they were in bed when I couldn’t push them away anymore.

  2. I haven’t commented here in forever but this is so powerful…I am amazed at what you have overcome and that you have become the person you are. And you are pretty awesome! Your children are so lucky to have such an amazing mother. xo
    meg recently posted…his first weekMy Profile

    • Darcel

      Thanks Meg! I’m glad I’ve been able to give my children a different and much better childhood than I had.

  3. Darcel, So much love and light to you. So much to talk on the beach. Thank you for spreading the message that we, as mothers, should not hesitate to heap grace on ourselves too.
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    • Darcel

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Tara.
      Women raised by abusive mothers especially need tons of grace and to learn how to take care of themselves.

  4. I’m sorry you had to go through that Darcel. Thankfully you learned from it and are teaching your children a totally different life. I hope you had a lovely day with your children.
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    • Darcel

      We had a great day! I’m grateful that I was able to break the cycle and show my children the love I never received from my mother.

  5. Darcel, Thank you so much for your honesty. Mother’s Day is the worst holiday for me. My mom has always been emotionally absent. I have a fake and one-sided relationship with my mom because she does not accept all of me. It’s sad that not everyone can celebrate the goodness and wholeness of a person. I applaud your conscious efforts to be the mother to your children that they deserve. Perhaps those old wounded from your childhood won’t heal completely, but you are carrying on a new and healthy legacy for your children. God bless you and the other mothers who have survive abusive childhood. Thank you for sharing your story and for making me feel less alone.
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    • Darcel

      Hi Ge Ge, I’m sorry you’re mother wasn’t and still can’t be there for you.
      Doesn’t matter how old we get, being rejected by your mother stings. I hope you’re able to find healing.

  6. This is such a good reminder that whatever our childhoods were like, we don’t have to repeat them with our children. I really commend you for noticing what was happening and making an active effort to change it … AND … for talking about your experience so publicly. Sharing your experience makes it a little easier for others to do the same.

    Thank you.

    • Darcel

      I’ve written something like this over the years but never hit publish. I’m glad that sharing my story is helping others. We need to speak on these issues because it’s healing and so others know they aren’t alone.

  7. What a powerful post. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through. You are so amazing that you have broken the cycle of abuse and so brave to share it publicly. X x

  8. Jennifer

    I can definitely relate. My mother was very abusive. I believe she is NPD and to this day, while we do talk, I have to keep it very limited and at a distance. It’s taken me my whole life to finally be able to form this type of boundary with her. I’m very grateful that for whatever reason I was able to break this cycle and my own daughter and I have a very good relationship but as you stated, I felt very lost for a long time parenting. I had no good example of how a mother should be and had to figure it out as I went. I hope you have a beautiful day..you deserve all the love you never got as a child. You are worthy of the things you have. You deserve happiness.

    • Darcel

      Hi Jennifer, Its great that you’ve been able to set boundaries with your mother.
      That is very hard to do and maintain with a person who has NPD.
      Glad you were able to break the cycle and give your daughter all the love and understand you didn’t receive as a child.

  9. Thanks for sharing your story. I think there is a sector of us who have scars from our childhood that still impact us. I don’ t think it is spoken about enough probably because mothers are often placed in an elevating light and it’s hard to acknowledge that not all mothers did not earn the reverence because of poor choices.

    Like you, I just do the opposite of what I’ve seen. Our pains can be used for good. Your children are blessed to have you.

    Thank you for being a constant motivation over the past 5 years. I admire your grit and determination to give your children better. Be blessed :)
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    • Darcel

      Latonya, you are so right!
      Many people think you should never speak horrible truth about an abusive mother.
      The scars fade but never truly go away. I think it’s great that we’ve been able to find healing in the way we mother our children.

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