19 Comments

  1. Wow am I grateful to read your courageous share here. Honesty is one of my deep values. Openness as well. How refreshing it is to read about a gentle, peaceful parent “annoyed” with their kids’ behavior, wanting a moment’s peace to themselves.

    I know the sting of the honesty from my children. It sounds like you have created a space where your children feel safe saying to you how they are feeling and what they are thinking. They told you in the way they could that they know these hard times are not indicative of who you are as a mother. They, too, know this is a phase and are willing to see you through it.

    I hear you on the self care. Here’s hoping for a smooth transition out of whatever phase you’re in as a family and into a connected and compassionate time for all.

    Deep gratitude for the share of my own honesty post on whining. :)
    ~sheila

    • Darcel

      It’s just so hard some days. If we want to stop beating up on ourselves for not being peaceful every single second of the day, then we need to start being honest about our challenges.

  2. Juliana

    You are an awesome mom, and none of us are perfect. I am so grateful that you are speaking the truth about motherhood. We all need to be more honest about how tough parenting is. I have been having a really rough week, too, and I needed to hear this. It helps so much to know that others feel the same way.

    • Darcel

      I think sometimes people fear that in talking about our struggles we end up giving them power. I don’t think that’s true. Just like you said, it’s nice to know someone else is feeling the same way. It’s amazing to me that in such big off/online circles we can still feel so isolated.

  3. stefanie

    I needed to read this this week! My kids have been total wackadoos and my reactions have sucked; then I feel like I need to turn in my “gentle parenting” card. Thanks for being honest – we need it!

  4. my kids have actually been great this week, but I have still been in a horrible mood. I just hope that in the long run the days I have where I can be a patient, gentle Mom outweigh the bad.
    Thank you so much for writing this, it is good to read that I’m not alone.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been finding the transition to two children brutally difficult and have difficulty saying so. I recently got the balls to publish a post about yelling at my son and was surprised at the positive feedback. Nice to know we aren’t alone…helps take the edge off a little.

  6. Daecel, you touch on so much, with such humility. We must start where we are, with honesty. When we attempt to jump into “positive thinking” without honestly addressing how we actually feel those feelings absolutely will creep up to be heard later. I definitely support honest discussion so we, as mothers and women, can be with and learn from each other as we make choices about how we mother our children.

    • Darcel

      Amy, This line right here really made me stop and think. “When we attempt to jump into “positive thinking” without honestly addressing how we actually feel those feelings absolutely will creep up to be heard later.”
      Being honest with ourselves about how hard motherhood can be sometimes is not always easy. It can leave us feeling raw, and we’re not going to like what we see. Like you said, once we’re 100% honest with ourselves, then we can move forward and make changes.

  7. I agree with the people that have remarked that your children feel SAFE enough to tell you what they are feeling. That says so much. Also, you apologized. Our kids learn so much from us about forgiveness and humility when we model it in this way. How many adults have a terribly difficult time apologizing? (I know I have for much of my life… luckily it is easier with my kids and I hope that will help it to be easier for them!)

    I also love the links you shared. We do need to keep things real. Yes, it is good to see the bright side of things – but denying the darker aspects of ourselves and our lives does not help.

    One thing that has been so helpful to me is simply naming whatever it is I’m feeling and telling my self that it’s ok, ie “It’s ok to be sad,” or “It’s ok to be mad” – just giving myself permission almost immediately diffuses the feeling. I think that we actually may increase negativity by trying to deny or change it.
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  8. I enjoyed reading you awesome article and loved your conclusion that no mom is perfect and no child is perfect! This is so true! And it I felt some relief after reading this. Thank you so much for providing support for moms!

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