Learning To Live Fearless

When I asked for help on my Facebook page with writing prompts and someone suggested the word Fearless, it stuck with me. I talked about fear earlier this year in my post What Could You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

I wasn’t sure why I felt a strong need to write about being fearless. What else could I possibly have to say on the subject?

Living

I lived much of my life in fear. The majority of my decisions were based in fear. Isn’t that crazy?!
No wonder I was always depressed and stressed out. I’m sure my lack of patience played a part in my decision-making process, too.
Always wondering and worrying about tomorrow, a month, or year from now. I was full of anxiety and unable to enjoy the moment, and that was when life was going really well!

Making fear based decisions left me feeling trapped and always second guessing myself.
Fear holds us back and makes us believe we’ll always be rejected. I think fear and depression are cousins.

I had become a master of the mask…that thing was super glued to my face. I would avoid eye contact like it was the plague, because I didn’t want people, especially those closest to me to see how messed up, scared, and hurt I really was behind the smile.

It got to the point where I was barely functioning before I realized something had to give. I had to stop living for other people and what they thought I should do, or what they wanted me to have, or what I thought they thought! That’s a lot of thoughts that were not my own to begin with. How was I supposed to find myself and create the life I wanted if I was always trying to carry out someone else’s dreams, or what I assumed was their dream?

I had to get completely honest with myself.  I was worth loving. I deserved to be happy. I was a good mom. I made the decisions I made and there was no going back to undo them. There were times when every day felt like I was climbing out of a dark hole. All I could do was move forward and work on being the person I wanted to be every single day.

What kind of woman and mother did I want my children to have growing up?
What did I want for myself and how badly did I want it?
I had to learn how to become a fighter.

I’m amazed at the woman I’ve become. And I know I say that in every other post, but it’s the truth, and it makes me feel so good to be able to keep saying it.
I wish I could say that I was living fearless 100% of the time, but I’m not, and that’s ok! It’s not about never feeling fear…I still have my moments, but I don’t let it paralyze me. I can work through it, I have a little more patience, and don’t rush to make decisions.

My life is no longer ruled by anxiety and worry.

I’m bolder, determined, tenacious, confident, and happy.
I’m better at making and maintaining eye contact with people. I can ask for help. I can take a compliment with a smile 95% of the time.

The life I’m living now is like a dream. I finally made it to the other side. And I know more good things are coming.
Just thinking about the possibilities makes me giddy!

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