It can be hard to get from point A to point B at times.
I felt stuck for a solid two years….like I was only able to move a few inches at a time.
Getting to the space I’m in now has been a very looooong process for me. I had to dig down deep and look at the ugly truth before I could move on. There were things I had to admit to myself, sometimes repeatedly before I was willing and able to change. I had to change the way I talked and thought about myself. I had to stop saying that we deserved better and start believing it. Then I had to find a way bring better into our lives. Not better according to anyone else, but what would work best for me and my children.
I’ve discovered who I am. I know what I want. I know how to make it happen. That realization is a beautiful thing!
After enduring one of the hardest times in my life, I’m making things happen. I survived and now I’m thriving.
It is impossible to go through life without a season of transition. We transition as we get older, every stage of our life requires us to change, to move from one space in time to the next. For me, the biggest part was in how I perceived what I was going through. I’m not saying I tried to see the hard times as rainbows and pink unicorns, cause there were times when life just plain sucked. I was over all the heartache and wanted more than anything for it to be over. Finding a way to live through the pain is what brought me to the place I am now.
Learning how to let myself feel the hurt without letting it consume me, moving past my mistakes, figuring out a way to overcome the obstacles. I realized the hard part was a short time in my life, even though it felt like I had been eating, sleeping, and breathing it my entire life.
I’ve gone from an insecure, people pleasing woman, to a confident woman and mother over the last two years, and especially over the last six months. It takes courage to do what others say you can’t or shouldn’t.
When I look back over everything I’ve accomplished over the last 10yrs….it blows me away! I had to find a strength within myself to go after my goals and dreams. It started by simply writing them down, no matter how outrageous they seemed. From there, I broke them down into what I wanted to do vs what I could actually accomplish with life as it is right now.
I feel like the butterfly that’s made its way out of the cocoon.
Writing a book has been dream of mine for a years. At the beginning of the year I mentioned writing an e-book and then I started thinking about publishing a hard copy book. I’ve decided to do both! The hard copy is going to take more time and money than I initially thought, but that’s ok. I’m in a good head space to work it out.
I’m still playing around with the title of my e-book, but the topic is Unschooling & Autism Resources.
I love sitting here and sharing my thoughts with all of you. This space still serves as a sort of journal of our life, but it has turned into much more than that. There was a time when I would sit here and wonder if anything I said was of value. I compared myself to other women and mothers…I tried to be like them because I thought If I can be like her then people will like me and will read what I have to say. If I can turn myself inside out to be someone else, then maybe I’ll be good enough. If I do what so and so says I should do, then my life will be good and I’ll be happy.
What a waste of my time and energy!
I’m going to call this season of transition Acceptance.
I’m happy and loving the woman and mother I’ve become and I’m comfortable living life on my terms.
18/52 What’s Your Story?