So Many Changes

My emotions have been all over the place lately. Samuel just had his 6th birthday and Ava is coming up on her 9th. I’m having a really, really hard time with them getting older this year. Samuel is my baby and he is now the big s i x. He’s entered official big kid status.

Ava has decided she wants to try school this fall , so I’ve been going through the process of enrolling her.
She’s super excited and I’m excited, and a little nervous.
Seeing how happy she is makes this transition a little easier for me.

ready to explore

Maybe it’s the changing weather combined with the fact that my kids are growing up, but I feel like my entire life is changing and moving so fast and I’m barely keeping up.
It’s been one thing after another since March.
I’m drifting from one day to the next, and some days feel like a blur.

I’m overwhelmed but not depressed or filled with anxiety like I would’ve been in the past.

tinypurpleflower

I’ve been asking myself why I continue to keep up this blog. Do people really want to read about our daily life?
Am I making a difference, or is this space just a glorified photo album?

I feel like I should be doing more and I want to do more, but I have a lot of doubts and insecurities I’m trying to work through. I wonder if I can really turn my passion into a business, will people pay for my services, am I good enough to even offer these services? I know I’m being vague, but I’m sure others can relate w/out knowing exactly what I’m talking about.

engrossed

sandcastle

Another thing that has been weighing on my mind lately: I can’t screw this up.
By this I mean my children’s lives.

When I’m with people I feel good for the most part, it’s the drive home and walking through the door when I start to feel it….the loneliness.
I am solely responsible for carrying the weight of the world for each one of us, and we all have different needs and wants. It can be so exhausting and stressful at times.

I know my friends try to help when I make a comment about being a single mom, but unless they have truly been a single mom then they can’t understand.
It doesn’t matter how many hours their husband works, or how many business trips he takes, even if they aren’t able to text or talk on the phone, or stop in for lunch together….they still have that person….they have each other.
He will eventually come home, she will eventually here his voice, the kids can see and touch their dad.
I don’t have that, my kids don’t have that.

sandplayintheshadows
It really was meant for me to buy this camera because photography is becoming my happy place.

I needed a new creative outlet and I think I’ve found it. I find the same comfort in picking up my camera as I do in writing, sitting on the beach, knitting, or walking a trail. It feels good to have several hobbies…this way I always have something to help me relax a little no matter the season or what may be going on in my life.

fireflower pinkflora darkpurplebeauty

I do love this glorified photo album.
The kids enjoy looking through photos as much as I do. I’ve said it before….I love being able to come back and see how far we’ve come.

musical siblings
Photo by Ava.

I can look at every photo and remember how I felt and what was going on in my life at the time.
This blog is filled with mostly happy moments and memories.

hopskipjump delicate prettypinkflowers

You know how you can feel things in your life shifting but you’re not really sure whats happening next?
That’s where I am.  It’s not a bad place, I’m just trying to figure out what my next step is.

We’re fairly involved in our church and I love that. The kids know our routine for certain events and look forward to them.
We’re getting more involved in our homeschool community and I know that will be another good support network for us.

All these changes would be easier to handle if they were more spaced out, but they aren’t, so I manage as best I can.
Maybe I can share some tips once I get it somewhat figured out.

tunnel hangout littleboysearching tiny mushroom

We’re also in asthma and allergy season.
That means lots of visits to the Er, hospital stays, Dr follow-ups…the usual.
Nakiah seems to be the only one immune to all the sneezing and wheezing the rest of us have to endure.
Good thing since she enjoys smelling every flower we walk by.

stopandsmelltheroses gorgeouspeonie

Look at those faces!
Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to and several months from now I’ll come back to this post and remember what was going on at the time, all the feelings will come rushing back, but I’ll be able to say we made it through then and we’ll make it through now.

siblinghoodlove

 

 

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10 Replies to “So Many Changes”

  1. From one single mama, to another, big hugs my friend. I am feeling so many of the things you are feeling right now.

    The self doubt about new projects, the wondering if people will take me seriously, and even want to utilize my services. But you know what, this morning I said who cares, and I hit publish on a new venture for me. I have no idea if it will fly, I have no idea if anyone will want to try this new venture, but I will never know if I don’t at least try. So I did. It’s scary, and I am afraid of failure, but it was time to jump. So, I say go for it. Put yourself out there, do what you are passionate about, people will find you and be inspired. You will attract them with your energy, and your attitude. Good luck!

    And your space, I love your space, and your reflections here. I would never try and convince you to keep it up if you didn’t want too, but I will always be here reading, and sharing in whatever it is you choose to share.

    Enjoy your weekend. xo

    1. Thanks Kim, I know you’re right, I’ll never know if I don’t try. One of the things holding me back is thinking of all the ideas I’ve tried before that haven’t worked out. But I’m going ahead with it anyway, maybe this time will be different and this business will be a success.
      You are so encouraging and inspiring to watch.

      I do love this space and whenever I think about closing up I always come back. I enjoy the entire process from taking pictures to putting the post together. I enjoy being part of the blogging community and have made amazing connections and had great opportunities because of this space.

  2. I love reading your blog and your perspective on motherhood. I can definitely understand questioning why you’re continuing because I’ve actually been doing the same about blogging. I also really enjoy your photography and catching a glimpse of how you view things. Ultimately, do what you feel is best for you because that’s what really matters.

    1. Hi Dee, I want to keep this space as a photo journal for me, but I also feel like I could and should be providing better, more useful content. I want to help people but I also can’t keep doing it for free.
      I really do enjoy sharing pieces of our lives through words and pictures. I’m glad you enjoy reading.
      Thank you for reading and commenting.

  3. I don`t read many blogs and i regularly check your blog to see if you have posted anything new. I sincerely hope you don`t quit your blog, although ofcourse you should do what is best for you. The way you share on your blog brings me moments of peace and inspiration, makes me want to keep trying harder at the things i am aiming for. So thank you for that!
    I wish you the best in reaching what you`re aiming for.

    1. Hey Mama J,
      I’m so glad you get something from what I share here. I’ve been trying to do better at posting regularly. I used to think making a schedule for blog posts was ridiculous, but now I see the benefits. Thank you for always reading and for taking the time to comment.

  4. I confess: I am a long time follower of your blog (I can’t remember what year exactly I came across it, but I’ve been one of your email subscribers for quite some time). I hardly ever comment. Partly because I feel like I know you and many of the bloggers I follow far, far more than can be reciprocated. But I truly enjoy these days in the life moments you share with the world. The moments you share remind me that there are other people out there going through the good and the bad, the ups and downs of having a family. I would miss your voice on the Internet.

  5. Hi Darcel, I’ve been following your blog for years (since Samuel was in an infant, as my son Lucas is just a few months olde than him)in a sling) and I hardly ever comment, I guess sometimes I don’t feel that my comments are adding anything relevant to the conversation, and sometimes I am so busy and so tired that I don’t even have the time to read blogs… But I do check in on you every now and again, to see what the kids are up to, like one would with a far away relative.
    I don’t know how I stumbled upon your blog, maybe through another homeschooling blog, or something relating to gentle parenting or birth? I can’t remember what it was, but something you had written resonated with me and gave me comfort and inspiration. Without knowing you personally, there’s something about you that exudes warmth and peace, your beautiful photos too show a human that’s filled with love.
    Blogging is tiring, and you do question yourself often (I’ve given up my old blog because I mentally couldn’t keep up), but ultimately you need to see if what you get out of it outweighs the energy and time that you put in it, whether it is for financial aid or for personal satisfaction. I think your readers will understand if you don’t feel up to it anymore. It’s also a wonderful account of your life that you can look back on in a few years. But yeah, it’s a bit of a crossroads when you have to choose whether to change content to engage readership, or whether to simply have a glorified photo album, and there’s nothing wrong with that 🙂
    I’d be happy if you kept on writing, I love knowing that this beautiful little family so far away from us is doing ok. Sending peace xo

  6. […] you’re dealing with changes, it’s important that your children know full and well what’s coming up. This is the phase where […]

  7. […] here and now, and focus on making your life better today, instead of worrying about tomorrow. Yes, you will face changes, and you should make a plan to better your future, but you will lose a sense of who you are today […]

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