I want to share something with you…I’ve struggled with some intense bouts of depression over the last four months.
Depression is something I’ve dealt with since I was a teenager but never had a formal diagnosis until after Kiah(my oldest)was born.
During the transition from summer to fall and fall to winter, I had days when all I could handle was the bare minimum of taking care of myself and the kids.
Other days we would venture out to run errands, make appointments, or play at the park.
I put on my best fake happy so no one would see how I really felt.
There were moments during the holidays when I felt at peace and was able to enjoy my family.
Those of us who deal with depression can have an extra difficult time during the winter months.
The sun isn’t out as often, there’s the holidays, and the new year brings about reflection.
All of our problems can get magnified or at least feel bigger than they are.
Maybe you set goals for yourself this past year and didn’t achieve them. Maybe your spouse left you. Maybe you left your spouse. Maybe a family member or friend passed. Maybe you received some bad news from your doctor. Maybe you lost your job and finances took a plunge. Maybe you have some tough decisions to make and the weight of that keeps you up at night. Maybe you had to cut toxic people out of your life. Maybe you feel like you let your children down at every turn. Maybe you’re hanging on by a thread trying to make it through the day.
If you’re like me, you put on the brave face and you soldiered on until your plate became to full, then you slowly started to break down. You may have told a friend or two how you were feeling but you never really let them know how bad it truly was at first.
Little by little the fire you had started to fizzle until you let it go out completely. Then one day a friend calls and you let it all out. You told her everything, and she was there for you. Maybe you came across an article and sat with tears streaming down your face, nodding in agreement… you felt the person was in your head and wrote exactly what you’ve been feeling.
I know you can’t snap out of it. Maybe all the exercise in the world isn’t helping this time. That’s ok.
This is what I want you to know… no matter your circumstances… you are not alone, THERE IS HOPE.
HOPE: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. plan. design. trust.
You may feel so beat down and can’t see any glimmer of hope, but I promise you it’s there.
The depression in combination with circumstances is covering the good at the moment.
I don’t know how or when your life will change, but I know it will.
How do I know? Because I’ve been there. I’m slowly making my way through this stage of the journey.
I expect and desire a change in my circumstances. I have already designed a plan for 2015. The hardest part for me is trusting the process.
Little by little I’m finding my groove again and feel the dark cloud lifting. Instead of small moments, I’m enjoying entire days and weeks without the depression cloud.
This is my first entry for the year in my new What’s Your Story writing prompt.
Each week I will share bits and pieces of my story. I would love for you to join me! The prompt for this week is Hope. You can find the other three by clicking on the what’s your story link above.