My emotions have been all over the place lately. Samuel just had his 6th birthday and Ava is coming up on her 9th. I’m having a really, really hard time with them getting older this year. Samuel is my baby and he is now the big s i x. He’s entered official big kid status.
Ava has decided she wants to try school this fall , so I’ve been going through the process of enrolling her.
She’s super excited and I’m excited, and a little nervous.
Seeing how happy she is makes this transition a little easier for me.
Maybe it’s the changing weather combined with the fact that my kids are growing up, but I feel like my entire life is changing and moving so fast and I’m barely keeping up.
It’s been one thing after another since March.
I’m drifting from one day to the next, and some days feel like a blur.
I’m overwhelmed but not depressed or filled with anxiety like I would’ve been in the past.
I’ve been asking myself why I continue to keep up this blog. Do people really want to read about our daily life?
Am I making a difference, or is this space just a glorified photo album?
I feel like I should be doing more and I want to do more, but I have a lot of doubts and insecurities I’m trying to work through. I wonder if I can really turn my passion into a business, will people pay for my services, am I good enough to even offer these services? I know I’m being vague, but I’m sure others can relate w/out knowing exactly what I’m talking about.
Another thing that has been weighing on my mind lately: I can’t screw this up.
By this I mean my children’s lives.
When I’m with people I feel good for the most part, it’s the drive home and walking through the door when I start to feel it….the loneliness.
I am solely responsible for carrying the weight of the world for each one of us, and we all have different needs and wants. It can be so exhausting and stressful at times.
I know my friends try to help when I make a comment about being a single mom, but unless they have truly been a single mom then they can’t understand.
It doesn’t matter how many hours their husband works, or how many business trips he takes, even if they aren’t able to text or talk on the phone, or stop in for lunch together….they still have that person….they have each other.
He will eventually come home, she will eventually here his voice, the kids can see and touch their dad.
I don’t have that, my kids don’t have that.
It really was meant for me to buy this camera because photography is becoming my happy place.
I needed a new creative outlet and I think I’ve found it. I find the same comfort in picking up my camera as I do in writing, sitting on the beach, knitting, or walking a trail. It feels good to have several hobbies…this way I always have something to help me relax a little no matter the season or what may be going on in my life.
I do love this glorified photo album.
The kids enjoy looking through photos as much as I do. I’ve said it before….I love being able to come back and see how far we’ve come.
I can look at every photo and remember how I felt and what was going on in my life at the time.
This blog is filled with mostly happy moments and memories.
You know how you can feel things in your life shifting but you’re not really sure whats happening next?
That’s where I am. It’s not a bad place, I’m just trying to figure out what my next step is.
We’re fairly involved in our church and I love that. The kids know our routine for certain events and look forward to them.
We’re getting more involved in our homeschool community and I know that will be another good support network for us.
All these changes would be easier to handle if they were more spaced out, but they aren’t, so I manage as best I can.
Maybe I can share some tips once I get it somewhat figured out.
We’re also in asthma and allergy season.
That means lots of visits to the Er, hospital stays, Dr follow-ups…the usual.
Nakiah seems to be the only one immune to all the sneezing and wheezing the rest of us have to endure.
Good thing since she enjoys smelling every flower we walk by.
Look at those faces!
Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to and several months from now I’ll come back to this post and remember what was going on at the time, all the feelings will come rushing back, but I’ll be able to say we made it through then and we’ll make it through now.