The Struggle

gazebo

All moms know The Struggle.
It comes in various forms at various times. Sometimes we can feel it coming, but sometimes we are completely blindsided by it.

Tuesday was an extremely hard day for me. I was really struggling to pull myself together.  I was unable to function for a few days last week. I caught a nasty upper respiratory infection and it took all I had to move because my entire body ached. The weight of my very light, plastic frame glasses on my face caused me pain. Of course the kids were all at 100% while I was sick. Last week was rough and by this past Tuesday I was completely done adulting. One of my friends called and asked how I was doing, she probably heard me yelling while our kids were video chatting. She asked, so I let it alllll out, and ended up in tears at one point. Trying to keep up with the kids and house when I’m functioning at maybe 30% was too much.

reflectiononthelake

Another one of my friends is keeping my kids for me on Friday, yay!
I am going to treat myself to Starbucks for starters.

Wednesday I decided another trip out was in order, but instead of getting out in the early afternoon, we didn’t leave until closer to 4pm. I was hoping we could watch the sunset at the park. We used to watch the sunset at the beach all the time. We still didn’t get to play and watch the sunset, but we had a blast on the trails.
Maybe next time.

I knew we would love Hills & Dales from the few pictures I saw online.
We all agree this is our new favorite MetroPark.

kidsonsteps
We were there for 3-4 hours and the kids still weren’t ready to leave.
I don’t blame them, this place is so peaceful and gorgeous.

porchswing

Kiah lost her last baby tooth this week. She’s growing so fast!
I am in awe of this child. She’s my miracle baby. For those of you who don’t know, she almost didn’t make it when she was born. Look at her now…teaching me all kinds of things about how a child with Autism views and experiences the world, teaching me about childhood and mothering. It makes me weepy and so proud to be her mother.

girlonbridge

We took our time walking the trail.
Stopping to climb fallen trees, listening to what may have been a woodpecker.

I did my usual observing, thinking, and picture-taking.

littleexplorers balancing
Some days I feel like I can’t do this, this single mothering thing. Lately I’ve been feeling like my rope has turned into a single thread and I’m barely hanging on, but when I stop and really look around me, I realize that I am doing this. Maybe I’m not always as graceful as I would like, our place can reach tornado-mess status in a matter of minutes, I’m always behind on laundry, and you’ll most likely find dishes in my sink at given moment.

I am a single, homeschooling mother of three young children. I recently packed up our entire life and moved away from my parents to come back home, which I am loving. I’m raising a child with Autism, one with severe food allergies and asthma, and one with a personality like mine.
Even on the days where it seems like complete chaos, I AM DOING THIS.

sunlightandshadows

I look at how happy and curious my kids are.
Part of it is that they are who they are, but the other part is I’m doing something right!
They tell me how happy they are on a regular basis. We’re always having conversations about past adventures.

pattersonmonument mybiglittlegirl fountainwatching

Look at these faces. I may not be a perfect mom, but I’m the perfect mom for them.
There is no one who will love them, advocate for them, fight for, love, and work harder for them than I do.
While I’m over here struggling, my kids will never see me quit.

myheart

I think that’s true of any mom reading this. You don’t have to be the perfect mom according to everyone else, you’re the perfect mom for your children.
You might be struggling to hold it together, and you may have times where you completely come unhinged. Maybe you need to fall apart so you can put things in perspective.

Motherhood isn’t about who can post the prettiest Facebook moments, it’s not about who has the best curated instagram with the most followers, or who has the most comments on her blog. It’s not about who has the most pinterest worthy house, the biggest garden, or the best family vacation.
Motherhood is not about what size you are, or if you keep up with the latest fashions.

golfcourseview

I love social media, you might say I’m slighty addicted to certain networks. And I’m not saying we should stop sharing our moments, but we definitely need to stop comparing ourselves to what another mother chooses to show.
In our modern world where you can easily share your every moment at the click of a button, I think the moments that matter the most are the ones we don’t share.
The moments no one else sees or knows about.
conrastsview

I love taking pictures and writing in this space. It’s like talk therapy for me.
Sometimes I ask myself why I continue doing this? First, for me. I love being able to go back 4yrs or more and see all the things we’ve done, how much we’ve grown. Second, for you. Reading your comments and emails puts the biggest smile on my face. Knowing that sharing my struggles and giving you glimpses into out ordinary days has helped someone else makes me really happy.

girlinsunrays

Other moms are constantly saying to me “I don’t know how you do it”
You know what? Neither do I!
Seriously though, I may look put together on the outside most of the time, but if they only knew what I went through to get out of the house…

The truth is, mothers do what needs to be done. When you’re in a situation and your kids need you, you step up and handle it.
There are a lot of times where I feel like a hot mess on the inside.
I joke that they should come spend a day or two with me for pure entertainment.

pinkwildflower tinywhiteflowers purplewildflowers
I was chatting with a mom yesterday at the park. Her son was giving her a rough time. We talked about how we didn’t remember our girls being this way at this age. We decided to call it boy wrath. Her son was 4 and I assured her that it was all very normal. She looked relieved when I said that. When she asked me if 5yrs was any better I didn’t sugar coat it. I told her that it’s ages 2,3,4 all rolled into one. They are bigger, faster, stronger, entering big kid stage, but still babies. And then I told her that it’s hard, but she’ll get through it. We all do.

myboy

It’s taken me 4hrs to put this post together. I slept in since yesterday was so full and fun.
I’ve made coffee, fed and watered the cats(we have a new kitten – he’s adorable – pics to come soon)fed the kids, refereed disagreements, fed myself, started laundry, messaged back and forth about upcoming events. I’m not complaining.

I have a very good life. I have prayed and worked myself to this point. That’s what I remember when I’m barely hanging on…look at how far we’ve come. I’m not at the beginning of the journey, but I’m not at the end either.
It’s all going to be ok.

monkeybars
Some days will be really good and others will leave us in the fetal position, waiting for rescue.

It’s ok to have bad days and moments. It’s ok if you feel like you can’t handle cleaning up one more mess, or talking your kids through one more argument. It’s ok to ask for help. Think of it like this….all the hard times you’ve gone through and will go through are a lesson, and you’ll help another mom with your experience in the future.

girlinsandpit childrenatplay
It’s crazy, beautiful, exhausting, and probably the hardest job you’ll ever have, but it’s also the best, and so worth it.

kidsonswings

 

p.s.
I’ve decided to put off my weekly writing prompts.
I need to put most of my writing energy into finishing this e-book and updating this space when time allows.
My intent isn’t to disappear for weeks at a time without a word, but I think you understand why that may happen after reading this post.

 

Thank You For Sharing!

14 Replies to “The Struggle”

  1. Beautiful– the words, pictures, all of it. It’s a good life, struggle and all.
    Marcy recently posted…NPR TED Radio Hour: Unstoppable LearningMy Profile

    1. Thank you! And thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

  2. Ah, yes, we all know that struggle, but as you has said in your post, we get through it. It might not be pretty, and it might not be the way we want to get through it, but we do. And every time we make it through the struggles we learn, grow and change. We become a better version of ourselves each time.

    I really wish we could take the perfectionism out of motherhood, actually out of life entirely. To me, it is such a sad thing to strive for. We can never be perfect, we can only strive to be better than we were yesterday. And I think trying to be perfect takes the joy out of the most amazing journey in the world, the one of motherhood.

    Enjoy your day tomorrow 🙂
    Kim recently posted…Around the GardenMy Profile

    1. It is a sad thing to strive for. I understand how and why moms can fall into that trap, especially when you have a perfectionist personality like mine. It’s so freeing when you let it go.

      Thank you, I will enjoy my day!

  3. No matter how much time passes, to me you’re still my little girl and I wish I can always be there for you. Knowing this is not possible, It’s good to know you have friends who care about you as well.

    Reading this post gives every indication of the struggles you endure as a single mom, and it makes my heart heavy. But as you said, you are in my words, accomplished, focused, and growing.

    Your kids…#My3Grands, are so fortunate to have you as a student of life because we never stop learning and as their mom, you give them the best…yourself.The Struggles will still come and go, but all of you will be stronger because of them.

    All my love to you and the kids.

    Oh yeah….these pictures are freakin’ awesome!!!

    1. Hi Daddy 🙂
      The last two days were much better. Love and see you soon!

  4. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your struggle. It’s valid and it matters. You matter. Best wishes as you work away on that ebook! Go you! <3
    Angie recently posted…Take Care of You – Operating in Self-Worth, Even while Feeling Self-LoathingMy Profile

    1. Thank you, Angie. I appreciate the encouragement and support.

  5. You are doing an amazing job 🙂 Homeschooling, mothering, especially single mothering along with the other pressures of life is hard. And when we get sick too and just want to curl up and let someone else takeover for a while it makes it 100 times harder. Through the ups and downs though there is so much beauty, love, connection, learning and growing and it is these times that make the hard times worth it. The pictures are beautiful! Sending ((hugs)) and wishing you a restorative weekend.
    Suzy recently posted…Soulfood FridayMy Profile

    1. Thanks Suzy, I’m feeling much better and the time to myself yesterday really helped.
      I try to remind myself that ‘this too shall pass’ but I need it to pass at a faster pace.
      It’s all going to be ok.

  6. The struggle can sometimes be too real. Thanks for reminding me that the moms behind the blogs, photos on IG and FB, and pins on Pinterest don’t always have it as together as it may seen on this side of the screen.

    I love getting your posts in my inbox. Take the time you need to refocus on the things that are important for you today — we’ll be here when you get back.
    Jah. recently posted…Another warm upMy Profile

    1. I know if it’s not always sunshine and unicorns over here, it is definitely not for other moms.
      Sharing the good moments gives us something to look back on when life is knocking us down every 5mins. It reminds us that it’s not all bad, even though it may seem that way for weeks on end.

      I’m so glad you enjoy seeing my posts! Hope you have a great weekend.

  7. Hi Darcel,

    I applaud your struggles as a single mother. It was difficult with only one child. I can’t imagine how I would have raised three alone.It takes remarkable strength, courage, and love to raise children and so many women can relate. You are not alone.

    Looking back, some of my favorite memories and most precious moments are the times I spent with my son during our mother-son outings together. He’s 23 now and we still try to have those same mother-son days at least monthly. And it gives me such joy and pride to see him now all grown up and making his own way in the world as a young man. I can definitely tell you that all the sacrifices and struggles I experienced as a single mother were worth it, and to keep your head up and “keep on keeping on.”
    Regina Mize recently posted…Even Steve Harvey Loves AshevilleMy Profile

  8. また、ロレックス支持を高協と世界トップゴルフ大会機構の連絡、:サン・アンドリュースロイヤル古いゴルフクラブ(R&A)、アメリカPGA、女子プロゴルフ協会(LPGA)、アメリカゴルフ協会(USGA)、ヨーロッパツアー(Europeanツアー)、アメリカ名人戦(ザMaters)靑少年、アメリカゴルフ協会(AJGA)、PGAツアー(PGAツアー)を賛助中国ゴルフ協会と世界級のゴルフ大会組織と協力を含むエビアンマスターズ(Evianマスターズ)とエビアン靑少年マスターズ(ジュニアEvianマスターズ)。中国のゴルファーの訓练プロジェクトや靑少年の育成プロジェクトをロレックスの支持を得る。ロレックス_スーパーコピー時計サン・アンドリュースロイヤル古いゴルフクラブ(R&A)(美、カナダ、墨のほかにゴルフ競技の管理担当機関)に出版された『ゴルフルール』(RulesオブGolf)と言われるロブ運動の権威の典籍、本の中国語版の出版をロレックスまでの独占賛助。また、同項の戦略的協力のパートナー関係を深めると同じくきっと気ままなその後ロレックス国内トップゴルフ競技の関係を含む:例えば、ボルボオープン(Volvoチャイナの)、アジアアマチュア选手権(アジアンAmateur Championships)と世界選手権- HSBC选手権(WGC HSBC WorldGolf Championships) http://www.ooobag.com/watch/franckmuller/tonneau/6df2d4b8c64fb4c0.html

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge