Trust. It’s a hard thing for me to do sometimes.
I think having a decent amount of patience is required in order to trust the process in any situation. Once again, not my strong suit.
I really do feel like this is the year where my dreams and goals will take shape.
I was looking through my blog board on pinterest and came across this post I wrote last March.
Felt like I was drifting along and having a hard time dealing with it. I was smack in the middle of some serious stuff when I wrote that.
Sometimes I wish I could skip the middle and go straight from the beginning to the end of my goal. The problem with that is there would be no lessons learned, no personal growth. I could do without the majority of the pain and overwhelming feelings, but it’s all part of the process, right?
I think about when the kids get a new video game and all of the tears and tantrums that occur while they’re learning how to play. It’s a process… they practice, look at the instructions, find videos on YouTube to help them figure it out. Before too long, they’re playing as if they’ve always know exactly what to do.
Such is life… I have some new goals and dreams in front of me. Still in the beginning stages and I’ve already felt upset because everything isn’t unfolding the way I want or as fast as I would like.
I still have moments where I doubt my abilities. Wondering if I’m meeting everyone’s needs. Did I do the right thing by having Kiah go through the process of a full neurological workup? Have I made the right choices in managing Samuel’s asthma? Am I giving Ava enough creative outlets? Am I practicing what I preach about proper self-care? Am I fooling myself, writing an e-book in the midst of everything else I have going on? Do I really have what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur?
I think my moments of self-doubt are part of the process. In the past that would’ve been an excuse not to move forward. I would let it paralyze me and then I would become depressed.
I realized that I am learning to trust the process. I’m learning to trust myself.
I still get rattled but I’m able to bring myself back around. I examine those feelings, separating truth from myth, and prioritize.
This used to take me weeks and months… now I’m able to do it over the course of a few days and sometimes a few minutes.
I don’t mean to be so heavy in these weekly posts, but it’s where I am at the moment. I’m enjoying examining my feelings and sharing them with you. I promise next month will be more upbeat.
Join me if you’d like!
What’s Your Story? 4/52